outcasted

like hey. i am back after such a hectic holiday so far...
anyway track and field camp was tiring but had it moments
iDare camp was awesome, yet tiring once again.
upcoming one would be drama camp!!! WOOHOO.
alright alright shall go deeper.
track camp was really tiring. and kind of made me pissed
i guess. can't really remember. ok so one of the nights, i was
playing tetris battle(some facebook game) so this guy kept
commenting on how i play and just said i was dumb and stuff.
so i got really pissed. like just mind your own business plus
you're not even from our cca. so yeah. i went off to a corner
and just slept. trainings were tough but manageable.
moving on the iDARE camp. erm. this could probably be one of
the more memorable camps i had. not because it is fun but
cause i learned a lot from the camp. ok lah, it was fun, some parts.
anyway it crushed my expectations, changed the way i think and
act, changed my perception, crushed myself as a whole. in the
camp, whatever you do there is someone doing it better than you.
anything you do better in would be held against you. anything that
you think you ace in, someone would be over there proving you wrong.
that's what i think. whatever that was being settled upon and decided,
when you do it, they would pin point it. the camp really made me
feel weak and vulnerable. like it actually made me re-think and doubt
myself for taking the initiative and opportunity. however the camps had
it's moments. all in all, i felt relieved when the camp was over. probably
cause i was stressed about the skit or something. i just felt no matter
how hard i try, there would just be a random person that make me
feel inferior.
*
ok back to today. TRACK & FIELD TRAINING!!!! yup. super tiring
yet fun at the same.after training we had a small talk among jingting, chloe,
jeff, kaiqi, tricia, joseph, haowen. it was fun and warm. it made me feel as
though i am really home to my family. be it SSC or any other camp. it
made me feel home. like i will never be outcasted or left out at all. yeah.
erm.. and next sat, we'll have to go down to NYP for some friendly match..
damn.. i really don't want to be there. i feel, like once i step foot there, everything
that i have tried so hard erasing would come back to me. anyway, after track,
rushed down to english drama.where i was already frigging tired. usually i feel
like family there but today, as soon as i step into the room. i feel like i don't
belong and i want to leave already. popular kids just stay popular while
the others just gets left out and thrown in the cold. guess that's the reason why
people actually quit the drama club. i feel as though it's pointless being there.
like they don't do anything about it. it's like trying to say, you either get popular
and blend in or suck it up and live your life.that's what i felt. when drama ended,
i was desperate to leave. so merv send me home and asked what's wrong. so
we kind of HTHC yeah. it made me feel better after that. so yeah that's for today.
guys, if you ever find out that someone in the group is being left out, pull them in.
help them, let them feel the love to.
*
that's all folks
sleep tight
nights