over again
*
the sun shines through the glass warming anything the ray touches, but through my eyes everything just seemed black and white. with my shades on everything just seems like it's either right or wrong. it feels similar to times when i analyze the things that i have done, is it right? or wrong? there is a thin line between right or wrong it's just the perspective. the glass was cool against my forehead, the rocky ride of the bus and the black and white sight. i feel normal again, it's like i didn't have to control my tears or hide from anyone. soon, i alighted walking the same route that i had for the past few years to that cafe that now, feels like my second home. the bells on top of the door jingled as i pushed my way through. Felicia is seated at the corner of the cafe. she waved enthusiastically. i made my way over dodging the crowd.
Hey babe! how are you? liss asked
same old, how about you? how's the preparations for the wedding?
it's a little hard. dylan is so full of his work that i think his work might just eat him up.
you're mad, like really mad. things like that don't happen.
but what if it does? what am i gonna do? she's being all sacarstic now.
then you shall eat his work before they eat your darling dylan. i suggested.
i shall do that once i meet him. she announced, looking determined.
you are really mad. i said in between of my laughter.
but you love me, don't you?
i love you to jupiter and back.
that's why, here is your caramel macchiato.
aww, thanks babe.
we spent hours talking about the trivial things that happened this week. then it got me thinking, most of the people had left when i changed after christain died, but this woman, this girl stayed by me. now there she is sitting opposite me blabbering on about how funny and cute dylan was on their last date, what she does to disturb him when they are having sex, how annoying her boss is and all. it wasn't the right moment or maybe it will never be, but i couldn't stop myself from asking her. the question came out before i could think twice.
liss, how could you stay by me when everyone left? how did you do it?
she stared at me mouth agape, then she broke off the eye contact and said softly, hesitantly.
i just stayed, you needed me.
but why? i needed to know.
there are two ways for me at that point. i could have left or to stay and help you stand up again. so i chose the latter. it really tears me apart to see you at that state. yes, no doubt it will be easier to leave and forget you but i can't. after all we had been through, after all the times you cleaned up the mess i made, i just can't leave you there like that.
taken back by what she said i didn't know what to say. her eyes was watery now. i am really ashamed. how could i had fallen so much and didn't realize it up till now? all this time i had only made people around me hurt. i have no right to do that. i, i don't deserve this.
say something, please. don't blame yourself or anything. it isn't your fault. i chose what i wanted to do. it is my decision.
i just don't know what else to say. thank you? or sorry?
she smiled, the warm smile that she always had that brings comfort to me.
just thank you will do. we're friends and soul mates right? it just comes naturally that i'll be here for you even though you're a shitty person. even after knowing you inside out. i'll still be here for you, like how you'll be there for me. you mean more to me than you'll ever know, christine.
i couldn't thank you enough.
well, for starters you can buy me another cup of coffee and a cake.
with that, the atmosphere between us was lively again. it's like nothing bad happened in the past minute. we continued our talk about our plans for the next trip that we are going to have before her wedding. just then i felt a tap on my shoulder. i turned around, it's dylan. we hugged then he went over to liss. Liss jumped out of her seat and kissed him then she asked him to sit down and she sat on him.
ermmm. you do know there's an empty chair there right? i said as a matter of fact.
so? laps are more comfortable.
liss replied with a smug on her face while dylan just shook his head and pinch the bridge of his nose.
so how are you? dylan questioned
same old. i just visited christain last week.
that's nice. i miss him and i-
HEYYYYYYYYY stop living in the past both of you. be happy like me!!! she interrupted him.
once again dylan shook his head, but this time i couldn't help it and shook and my head too. liss whack both of our heads and said that we've got no manners. dylan whispered, look who's talking. then all of us started debating on who's more childish in ranks. it feels like old times just a person missing. soon after we part ways. i went back home.
when i got back i grab the human sized teddy bear and sat on the couch.it has been a while since i had done that. i thought, i shouldn't be living in the past anymore, after what liss had done for me. i should cherish the present to live well and find happiness like what christain told me. to be able to live for myself and not live in denial if not i will just be letting the people around me down and getting them hurt even more. but thinking of moving on is hard, how do i start? what do i do? all the questions just filled my head. tomorrow. tomorrow i thought. i will just start by having the mindset that tomorrow will be a better day no matter what. i will make it a better day.
*
that all for today!!
sorry for the super late update.
actually i am not
WAHAHAHAHA
goodnight midnight bunnies!!
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