over again, eighth step

over again
*
i laid sideways on the bed, picked up my phone and click on christ's contact. it rang three times before he picked up.
hey a deep husky voice replied. his voice sounds lower as compared to talking to him face to face. and it triggered memories. he sound just so like christian.
hey, so about the dare. i said hesitantly.
yeah. about that, do you prefer asking me in person tomorrow or would you prefer to ask it through the phone?
through the phone i guess? i am new at this.
ask away then.
what's the full story.
well, it's pretty long.
i am a good listener, no worries
okay. well, when i was young i did a lot of things. like bad things, stealing things, hanging out with kids that are not so nice, bullying, smoking and some times i took drugs with them. my mum knew, she's smart. but when she found out. she didn't reprimand me she just said, as long as you know what you are doing and you have to be responsible for your own doings. at the time, i just felt like i've got freedom to do whatever i want. but i was young, oh so young and i felt the only group of friends i have are my friends. only when i got older than i knew what she meant. by that time it was too late. i got addicted to drugs, smoking and whatnot. you name it, i have done it. but after confessing all those to my mum. not only did she not scold me but she helped me quit taking drugs. she stood by me. accompanied me and help me got through my seizures. and when i got better i was off again. i didn't appreciate what she have done for me. i ran away from home and went overseas.for my studies that i have neglected. when i was back, i didn't see her at home. she was at the hospital, diagnosed with fourth stage cancer. i stood there staring at her pale face, helpless. i reached out and grab her frail hands. it could be seen that it took every ounce of energy left in her to open her eyes and managed a weak smile. at that moment regret filled me. there was nothing i could do. i could only sit there and stare at her tell her how well i have been doing overseas studying, aceing the tests that i took. th smile never left her face. i was relieved yet it tore me apart to see her doing that. unable to hold the tears back, i went to the restroom. she just said, don't be too long, i missed you and i love you. i am glad that you finally understood how to be responsible for yourself. i told her her i will be back soon. i rushed to the toliet and my tears were like an open tap everything together with my feeling flowed out uncontrollably.after a while, i washed my face and put on a smile and went back. when i was back the white covers were over her face. the doctor saw me and told me that she have passed on. i dropped on my knees and shouted in agony. saying how could she have left me alone in this cold and miserable world. swearing and cursing. it's like the last person that is in my family had died. i resented myself for not spending more time with her. at that moment, i regretted everything i had done. the doctor and nurses helped me up. when i cooled down i just stoned. the doctor sat beside me and said. my mum had actually persevered just to see me. she has actually been in coma for the past few days. for me it just confirmed what a useless son i am. making her wait, i didn't even get the chance to say i love her. i didn't even get the chance to tell her how much i needed her how thankful i am for having such a great mum. how much i how much i love her,
his voice was as soft as a whisper now. i could barely hear him. he was sniffing.
hey, you okay?
yeah, i am fine. just emotional.
take deep breaths.
yeah. i'm sorry, i'll see you tomorrow? i really gotta chill now.
okay, good night. just know i am here for you okay? though we're not that close and all
yeah, sure. bye.
*
here's the super long update
sorry though, i was busy with school stuff.
goodnight midnight bunnies(: