Regret

 

At night when the moon and stars light up the room, it brings peace. The light in the midst of darkness just brings an unknown kind of calmness in different ways to different people. For some it might mean that there is still light in the dark or maybe some others, it may mean that it is the end of the day and another adventure awaits tomorrow. Well, on the other hand, there are some that stares above and wonder why they are still holding on to this string of life, and some others would probably have too many thoughts running through their head that cause their insomnia.

Of all people, there is a girl. No exactly a girl, but a lady. She was lying down on her sides, with the phone in her hand she scrolled through his Instagram. Strands of regrets filled her once more. The girl that he was holding on to, the hugs they have and the kisses they shared. It could all be hers at a point of time. If only she had realized it sooner, that girl, by his side, in his arms could be her. There was once, they were so close, almost inseparable. Every day, they would talk on the phone for hours, even when they finally meet up their topic never runs out. So what actually happened?

She laid flat on her back, tears at the brim. “It’s all too late.” She told herself, like a whisper in the void.

*

The times that they had together, it felt as though it could top any happy days hands down. Although it was nothing much it’s the person that she was with that counts. They were sitting in STARBUCKS, sipping on their coffees, talking about minor and major stuff in their lives, cracking the jokes that are never funny, but retarded. She stares into his eyes, the way he talks, the way his hand moves when he is trying to explain something, but his eyes. It’s the usual type of colour that everyone has but whenever he smiles, he has that glimmer that just captures you and drowns you in it. It was one of those rare gazes that could capture anyone if they look at it. Through that gaze it was as though there was some invisible connection. It was like the transmitting of a hundred words the mouth didn’t have the courage to say. She looked away like she had received an answer that she didn’t want to know or a message that she don’t wish to receive. “Beatrice, I know this sounds sudden, but I really like you.” He said while looking down. He was playing with his thumbs, circling them in a clockwise direction then anti-clockwise. Anxiously waiting for her reply. She didn’t want to lose this friendship for sure. What if everything turns sour? What if they found out there are actually things that they don’t like about each other? In her head it was like a couple of cars racing together towards the finish line but none of them seemed like they were losing. Nearing the finish line all cars won together and her mind exploded. All the while she was always interested in Zack but it was not enough to make her lose the friendship with him. At the same time, her past experiences for love haven’t been quite secure it had always turn out wrong and she still hasn’t learnt how to cope. Then a small voice inside her whispered, “just give it a shot, he’s different.” Then the argument inside her exploded. The rationality, reasoning, the past experiences, the realist picked up more reasons to no as compared to yes. She stood up from the table and said,” I am sorry, but I only see you as a friend. I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

*

A few weeks later, he was attached with someone. All her regret started to overwhelm her, while she knows; they will never be together again.

*
Bummer.
anyway goodnight midnight bunnies.