The Sacrifice

She slams door, but due to the big impact, the door falls off.  She couldn’t be bothered by anything anymore. She flopped on the bed and pulls the cover over her head. He yells,

“Are we really doing this?”

“If you want to.” She whispered

Annoyed by her actions, he yanks off the blanket. “NO!” She screamed and tears started to roll down her cheeks. He sighs, and then kneels down. He put his hands on her arm, as though assuring her things will be alright. He grabbed her chin, lifting her head up. A pang of guilt shot through him when he saw her tear stricken face. He gently wiped off the tears on her face.

*

He lifted her head up, reluctantly looks into his eyes as a tear rolled down her face. He reassured her that everything will be alright. But to her it won't be. Nothing will ever be the same again. She touches the scars on her wrist that have yet recovered. She looks into his eyes again then looks away. In her head, she could never face him again, not after what she had done.

*

He stares into her eyes. She looks away shamefully, her gaze lingering on her left wrist. He glanced down. Thin red parallel lines ran across her wrist. She hastily covered her wrist. He bit his lips, not knowing what to say next.  

"You silly girl." He whispered as he moved the girl’s hands away. He touched the scars softly, not wanting to inflict any more pain. Each line told its own story, about the times she felt so alone, the times she felt so helpless and the times when she felt like the need to escape. He reached out and caressed her face with both hands, not allowing her to look away. He stared into her eyes once again. His heart was hammering against his chest. There was a deep longing in him to protect this frail creature. Why couldn’t she see? He wanted her so badly

"Everything is going to be alright." He whispered.

*

Both of his hands reached out to cup her face so that she couldn't avoid his gaze.

"Everything is going to be alright.” he whispered.

The sentence triggered her inner rage, he has to understand.

"No, why can't you understand it will never be alright. I will never be good enough for you? Why don't you get it? You see these scars. I can't help it. This is the only way I can forgive myself, to release myself from the guilt, to be able to be myself again." More tears streak down her face like a tap that has spoilt. "I can't help it. I can't. I've tried I really can't." Her voice had softened from a shout to a whisper and end up with a sob. He slowly releases his hands and looks away.

*

He was taken aback by her outburst. He was not expecting such a reaction.  Why couldn't she see herself like how he saw her? How could he make her understand how beautiful she was? He was at a loss of words. He knelt there for what seemed like an eternity, the silence only punctured by her sobs and sniffs. His heart aches terribly. He yearned so badly to just reach out and grabbed her. But she wouldn’t allow it. He stood up and left the room. There something he can do.

*                                                             

After her outburst, only silence followed. He stoned on the floor staring at the empty space beside the bed. Then he stood up and left the room. As she watched him left the room, in that moment, she realized what she had done. How much she actually hurt him. All these while, what he has done was only for her and no one else. How low he had sunk for her to accept all her flaws. Every second after he left the room gave her the time to remember. Remember the moments together. At the same time increase her guilt towards him. She was not worthy enough for him. She shouldn't have leaded him on. Unable to withstand the guilt, she took the route to salvation. She stood up and walks towards the bathroom, filled the bathtub with water and locked the door. At the right of the mirror there was a drawer. She opened the drawer and took out the razor blade from under. Slowly she eased herself into the scalding water of the bathtub, rolled up her sleeves and took a deep breath. With the razor on her wrist she slides the blade. One line. Two lines. Three lines. Four lines. She closed her eyes and feels the uneasiness and guilt disappear within her. It was only then she found the peace and comfort she was looking for.

*

He went to the kitchen, rummage through the drawers. It kills him inside thinking about the things she does to herself. In his anger he overturned the table, disappointed at how useless he was. Does she not see that a piece of his heart dies every time she hurts herself? He finally found what he was looking for. He grabbed it, its weight familiar in his hands. He had to show her. He felt this sudden rush of clarity. He was invincible. He knew this was what he had to do.

With the sudden confidence, he walked back to the room; she wasn't in the room anymore. Where could she have gone? He noticed the locked bathroom door. He slammed his fist against the door. He knew what was happening inside.

"Please open up!" he begged, pounding the door. There was no response. The clarity in his mind was now long gone, replaced with chaos and panic. It was like a raging ocean and he was soon to be engulfed by it. He threw his weight against the door. It didn't budge one bit. It only increased his rage. He retreated then sprinted towards the door. This time the door relinquished. She was in the bath tub, her left arm hanging limply by the side of tub; four additional red lines were across her wrist. The blood slowly trickled and dripped onto the floor. Her head was resting on the tub, a look of pure bliss and serenity. Her eyes snapped open when she realised that someone had trespassed her peace. The man tried to calm himself down but there was no calming down the raging ocean in his heart.

"I've something to show you." The man said, barely able to keep his voice down.

*

Out of the blue, the door burst open. Her eyes snapped open. She saw him standing by the doorway, his ears are red. His eyebrows were cringed clearly showing rage. Then it dawn upon her that he found out that she was cutting herself again. Panic rose in her. In her head it was like as if there's a deer running around banging all four sides of the walls. She opened her mouth to come up with an excuse but the man's voice boomed "I've something to show you." Timidly she got out of the bathtub, removed her wet clothing and quickly grabbed a towel. She dried herself and squeeze through the doorway to a new set of clothes. She saw that he was holding something in his right hand but when she moves back, he moved it out of her sight. What is it? She thought. With the towel wrapped around her body she moved towards the man.

"What's that in your hand?" She took another step towards him as he moves back.

"Go and get dressed first." She took another step, but this time he dropped whatever he was holding and scoops her up and threw her on the bed. He randomly picked some of his clothes and tossed it to her, and then he looked away. She was stunned by what he did but it only piqued her curiosity more. What is it that he wanted to show yet hide it from her so desperately?

*

The man took off his shirt and tore it into strips. He grabbed the girl’s wrist and roughly tied the strips around it to stop the bleeding. He could hear her wince in pain but he couldn't care less. It shocked him how rough he was with her. He could see the fear in her eyes.

"Wait here," he said as he back tracked into the toilet. He grabbed the object by its handle, deliberately hiding it from her view by keeping it behind him.

"What's that?" He could hear her ask as she made a motion to get off the bed. The man stopped in his tracks. "Fuck you! Do you know that you are damn selfish? Fuck you and all your reasons. You just think of yourself. What about me huh? Have you thought about me?" He shouted, finally unable to hold his anger in. It gave him relief that he has not felt in a very long time. He saw the girl recoiled, as if slapped by his words. He brought the object to the front and admires its beauty. The metal glint seems to reflect the madness in him. He never thought he would do this. But he had to show her how much she meant to him in the only way she knew how. He ran his index finger across it. It easily slices through his skin like hot knife through butter. The pain shot through him as he gritted his teeth. Wow he thought to himself. The pain was a sudden rush, washing out any hesitation he had. He stabbed himself in his forearm and ran the blade along its entirety, screaming in pain as blood spurted out, finally free of their constraints. He knelt down on one knee, when before his brain was numb to the pain, was now becoming real. He clutched his bleeding arm, he could see that she was frozen to the spot; her eyes wide open with fear. He swore he was trying his hardest not to pass out. He gasped for air, desperate to stay conscious. He could literally feel his life flowing out of his arm and onto the carpet,

"Now you know what it feels like to be me." He shouted at her.

*

She wasn't able to absorb what just happened. Everything seems to happen in mute to her. Her eyes were wide open and mouth agape. She wanted to look away yet she can't. The thin red line had seemed like a stream. He must have cut one of the veins. His face had gone white. "Now you know what it feels like to be me." She rushed towards her phone and called a cab. Then grabbed her phone and rush towards him. She used the towel and covered his scars. His weight was all on her. She knows what she has to do and she has to do it fast.

*

He felt his world spinning. He collapsed face first onto the floor, barely having the strength to react. He heard her frantically call for a taxi over the phone. There was a buzz in his ear, drowning out most of the conversation. He felt her coming over, something pressed over his forearm. He was lifted off the floor, supported by her. He grabbed her arm to stop her. He could barely talk now but he needed to let her know. He struggled to form the words with his mouth. He felt his world going dark but strangely safe because she was around. He felt the light slip away, before finally managing to say "I love you".

*

He stopped her in her tracks of getting him into the cab. He was trying to say something but no words are heard, then his body went limp.

"Stay with me! We're reaching!" The cab was already there. The driver came out to help her get him into the car. Once they were both settled down, he told the driver to the nearest hospital. His head rested on her shoulder. Despite the condition a smile hangs on his face. She pushed his head so that her mouth is just beside his ear. She whispered to him.

"You stupid idiot, don't you dare sleep on me now. I know you can hear me. This is going to hurt but it will help keep you awake. “She placed her thumb on his earlobe. Then when she found the acupuncture point she was looking for she bit him, hard. He jolt awake and grab his ear forgetting the fact that his forearm was bleeding. "You dumb fuck." She muttered.

*

It felt like he was floating yet at the same time lying on something soft. He exhaled, whatever this place was, it was really nice. There was no noise; everything was just where they should be. This is perfect he thought. All of the sudden his body jerked and he found himself in a taxi. His ear hurts for some reason. He was in her arms. He grinned sheepishly.

"What's up?" He croaked. He grabbed her hands, interlocking their fingers. "Please don't let me go."

*

He had no recollection of what really happened to him. He was really happy like a little kid that just got a treat from her. She rolled her eyes at him. They had arrived at their destination. She paid the driver and managed to get him out of the cab. The wound had stop bleeding but still he has already lost quite an amount of blood. They checked in at the counter and the nurse brought him away to set up the IV drop and perform some stitches for him, to allow the wound the heal faster. All these while she stood nearby, watching him. Her gaze never left him. She was relieved that he finally got treated but at the same time the words dumb fuck kept running through her mind like a train going in circles. She thought to herself, what can she do without him?

*

He picked up a mug using his left hand.

“Argh.” His fingers slipped and the mug fell on the floor, shattering into pieces. It has been like this for months, sometimes his left arm feels back to normal, sometimes it’s like he doesn't have any control over it. He looked over at the long scar running down his forearm. It was almost 15centimetres long.

He always thought that it resembled a centipede, with legs jutting out the sides. She hurried over as he bent over to pick up the pieces.

"Let me do it." she said as she stopped him for doing anything. She avoided eye contact. He knew that she felt guilty for what had happened to him but thankfully she had stopped hurting herself since. She moved in with him to take care of him while he healed and she has noticeably become more cheerful and confident. It’s a small price to pay to see her smile again. He knew he had to do something to lessen her guilt. He stopped her. Putting his right arm around her waist, he pulled her close. He leaned in and whispered into her ears.

"I love you. I'll do anything to protect you, you understand me? I'm willing to go through anything for you. Now we both have scars. We are even!” He playfully nibbled her ear lobe. "You dumb fuck!" She said as he chuckled. He knew that he had been forgiven. "Now where's my kiss?" He said playfully.

End

*
Hello, so this is another short story that i have written together with ZP.
hope you bunnies like it.
goodnight midnight bunnies(: