it doesn't matter, cause i am just a toy.

hey guys, thanks for the constant views.
it's really much appreciated(:
*
when you think of something as well as
the worst situation, your walls just come
crumbling down. there's nothing that could
stop those tears anymore. all those teasing
that gave you hope, the kiss that you had,
the hugs that transmitted warmth, they don't
don't mean anything anymore. they just
become like all of those other memories
that haunt you when you're awake, when
you're alone, in your dreams. then your realised,
you're fucked.
*
well, that is how i feel now. i made a mini bet
with my bro. i build walls up to keep myself from
hurting, when it's down, that girl is vulnerable in
many ways. so many that you'll not believe it.
maybe that's why i can never survive a relationship.
i can't be strong on my own. i am never strong on
my own. i keep trying and trying it never works. in
my past relationship, the present, probably the future
too.
*
being honest, is one of the most important thing to me.
i feel that, if you really don't want to say it, it's fine.
just don't lie. why must it be that every painful lesson i
have, then i would learn the truth. i won't judge. everyone
got their own way of doing things. i may not like it, but still,
please just stick to the truth. three times i broke up, thanks
to all these lies. first, that guy dated two of us at the same
time. second, cause i wasn't good enough, within 2 weeks,
he was out with another girl, when he said there was no one
else. third, he just didn't bother explaining why, and blame it
all on me. i don't want the fourth to be the same. yes, i can
be hyper and always fun to be with. think of it this way,
behind those cheerful facade lies that girl, that sad little
girl filled with self doubt, filled with uncertainty, filled
with pessimism, filled with
a future with no light, just darkness.
*
why a toy? a toy cause i feel like i am being used.
just thrown around. i will be there if you need me,
if you don't, feel free to throw me aside. i don't mind.
cause for a toy like me? it doesn't matter to you.
all in all, i am just a toy.
*
thanks, faraid(i hope i spell it right), kaki, marvin
for making the night so funny that i kept laughing
though i was really upset about this little things.
*
nights..
sleep and let darkness take over.