over again, eleventh step

over again
*
the pouring rain bounced and slide down my skin. it felt pain yet it keeps me awake. i sat at the edge of the cliff, my legs hanging loosely over the endless bottom. by then, the sky was already dark, to be exact it was pitch black. above me, the stars were shining brightly yet below, it was endless darkness and i am in the middle of them. on eye level, in some distance there's a lighthouse. the light's coming on and off due to the rotation. it kind of described what i thought. he was late really late and i've been here waiting for nearly two hours going three. we promised to meet here every month, to enjoy the sunset and then head over to the bar for some drinks. christain where the hell are you? my phone had died by then. what's taking him so long? should i just leave? i decided to wait for a while more. the rain wasn't being nice at all, it just keeps getting heavier and heavier. after waiting for another half an hour or so, i decided to leave. the road back was trickier than before. it was dark and there are pebbles everywhere, and with the rain the path was slippery. one step, two steps, three steps. it was weird that he is not here yet. BAM. just a little distraction i lost my footing and fell. the stones had scraped my jeans and caused a scratch on my knee. i was covered by the mud and being already drenched in the rain is not helping. instead of breaking down and cry, i got angry. it was like my inner rage had been ignited. WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WAITING IN THE RAIN? WHY HASN'T HE COME? WHY THE HELL AM I SO STUPID TO WAIT FOR HIM IN THE RAIN FOR FUCKING 3 HOURS? with that i stood up and storm towards the road, unable to be cautious at the same time. i got on to the cab and headed home.
i left the phone outside for charging and went in for a nice hot bathe. the wound brings a stinging feeling every single time i took a step forward. after showering, i checked my phone. 8 missed calls and 3 voice messages. six missed calls were from christian, so was two of the voice message, the others was from an unknown caller. i placed the phone next to my ear after clicking on the voice mail.
hey babe i am so sorry, for being late. i tried my best to arrive on time but i am caught in the traffic. you know the rain is really heavy today? i am really sorry, but i'll be there soon yeah? i miss you and i love you. kisses. see yah soon.
*
hey babe, you know that kind of feeling where you are knocked out of the car and you end up on the road facing upwards and the rain is pouring on your face? i felt that just a few seconds ago. the feeling is so cold that you might freeze up in an instant. why can't you just pick up the phone? i hope you were here with me. wait maybe not. i just got into an accident. i am sorry i broke my promise. i see you in the hospital then? please hurry. i'll be waiting. love you.
*
hello is this mrs.christine glenn? your husband has been involved in an accident please come to the hospital as soon as possible. he is in the ICU. thank you.
*
my face went pale, my fingers were numb and my feet was rooted to the ground. the first thing that came to my mind after being in the state of shock was the hospital. i rushed and grabbed my wallet, dialed for a cab and ran downstairs. my head was filled with christian and to be there now. if only there is a teleport machine that allow us to travel from place to place within seconds or if there is a time machine that enables us to go back in time. sorry i broke my promise. i see you in the hospital then? please hurry. i'll be waiting. love you. the words that came through the phone haunts me. not knowing what he is going through at this second. not knowing if he is okay. not knowing if i am still able to see him. it drives me insane. the worst situation came to surface in my mind. what am i going to do if he have already move on? what can i do? 
the trip to the hospital seemed to take a decade. i gave the driver more than the fare. not waiting for the change i rushed to the counter and ask for directions to the ICU. i ran down the halls and up the stairs. the halls and stairs seemed longer and longer as i ran. then, it was like as if time stopped that moment when i saw him. there were doctors and nurses surrounding him. needles and tubes decorated his body. my steps slowed as i approached the bed.
christain? christ?
his eyes blinked. it look like he took every ounce of energy left just to open his eyes. when he saw me, he lips tilt upwards into the grin. that grin that i love so much. i rushed over to his side. my hands reached out to his. his hands were cold, ice cold.
is it too cold for you here? i can ask them to bring some additional blankets for you.
i turned around but the doctors and nurses were gone.
no, no. just stay by me. i've got something to say.
he took a deep breath and winced. it killed me inside to see him in this state.
remember the day we first met? when i was drinking in the cafe you were working in? you came over and talk to me. to be honest, i was there for a long time as i noticed you and i fell in love with the way you work, the way you talk, the way you move. you captured my attention. it was like my whole being was stuck onto you like glue. from then i knew you were the one for me.
i just nodded my head and tried my best to hold my tears back. he continued.
then remember the day i proposed and we got married? that's the best day of my life. the second you said yes. i was overjoyed. my spirit lifted, i was above cloud nine. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. you are my life line, christine. from the day where i met you onwards, i couldn't do anything without thinking about you. i love you.
i swallowed but my tears are uncontrollable. form the brink they overflowed to my cheeks and on to his hands.
i love you too, christain. you are my life line. 
ohh babe, don't cry. just stay with me. listen. things aren't so great for me right now. i might not pull through tonight. but i want you to know, no matter what, i want you to live well and find happiness. okay?
you'll be fine. nothing will happen to you. in weeks you will be out of here and we will be travelling again. 
christine, just promise me. please.
i promise, to live well and find happiness. i said as i choked on my tears.
come here.
he pulled me close, and i moved closer at the same time to reduce what is needed from him. he looked into my eyes. achingly his hands reach out to my face and wiped the tears. i leaned forward and kissed him. the warmth of his lips, the coldness of his hands, those eyes that speak a thousand different ways of love for me. i leaned on his chest and hugged him softly.
stay with me, don't leave me.
i'll try babe, i'll try. for now let's just sleep. remember live well, find happiness.
i look up to him again. his eyes now closed. his face showed serenity. it was like after a long tiring day when you finally get to sleep. then the machine started flashing red. i was in the state of panic.
CHRISTIAN!!! CHRIST!!! DOCTOR! NURSE!
i kept holding on to his hand. the nurses and doctors rushed into the room. they separated christian and i. they surrounded him and started the machines and some were pressing his chest.
CHRISTIAN!!!
*
i jolt awake. my whole body was soaked in sweat. the blankets were on the floor. it's christian.
with that nightmare going on, the feeling of looking at him into his eyes again, the tears flowed down. for tonight, i let myself be consumed in the darkness that i have never felt in a long time.
*
that's all for today!!
goodnight midnight bunnies!!