over again, step sixteenth

over again
*
it's been days since that confession at the park. right now in the corner of the cafe i own, a cup a coffee sitting in front of me, the constant buzzing of people around and there i was oblivious to everything. ever since that day, the stoning was never ending, everything that i did, it felt like there was something missing from it. it was hard for me to process everything in one shot. i have been holding on to christian's phone for as long as it had been. i've looked through all the notes, messages and photos. whatever christ had done was just following his plans.he wasn't wrong. he was just an adult that wants to have some thrill in his life and ended up killing someone. but indirectly he killed christian.
So how long are you going to stay here?
a familiar set of voice knocked me out of my reverie. slowly i lifted my head. it was liss.
why are you here? obviously caught off guard.
well, i dropped by your house and you aren't there so i figured you are here. so what's wrong?
liss was my best friend, someone who understands me inside out like christian but not as much as him. if i told her what happened she would probably stop whatever that she have on her plate immediately and accompany me till i am back to who i am again. but this time, i've got to pick myself off the ground. no doubt i have been moping and stoning but this time i have to get back up myself. she's got her wedding to plan and it's just in a couple of days. so instead of telling her the truth, i told a white lie.
christ and i had stopped contacting each other.
what? why? i thought you guys were going great. like you guys were going to be a couple.
well things kind of got complicated and i just pushed him away.
is it because of christian?
no.
then what is it about?
i started grabbing my stuff, clearly trying to avoid her.
it's about me.
what about you?
i finished my coffee as i stood up.
because i love him.
she stared at me while i said those words. then i walked away, ending the conversation, leaving her hanging there. but that was the truth. he was the only one able to make me laugh wholeheartedly. with him, i was able to be myself once again, with no worries. he was one of the few that could see through me without me hinting anything and know i am not okay. besides, liss and dylan he was the only one that had seen me at my worst and still bandaged me and accept me for who i am. but in the end, i got myself all mixed up cause i don't know all the things he had done for me is from him or from christian's instructions. it was hard for me not to fall in love with someone like him, when he saw all my fucked up parts of me, when they understand the darkest and dustiest corners of my mind, and when it was at 3 am he called cause he knows that i am not asleep. it's like it forced me to open my soul to him. and i didn't have any way to close it towards him again.
with all these thoughts running through my mind i cabbed home. with each step i took, my heart just got heavier. i shouldn't have left liss hanging, i should have explained clearly to christ and not just pushed him away. i rummage through my bag for the keys of the apartment. then just in front of me was a man.
hey, there sis.
he was ian, ian tyler. it was christian's younger brother. then i felt really tired, today is really a day of surprises.
*
goodnight midnight bunnies(:
next update coming real soon(: