Over again, The Final Step

over again
*

I was stunned by his reaction.at that moment, my head went blank. All the reasons that I kept telling myself from getting close to him vanished. In this moment, I just felt that my life was complete, I don’t need anything else. I kissed him back. I really wished that everything would stop at this moment. That I don’t have to think about what I should do next, what consequences there would be, how should I react after. It was an escape from reality. The easier way out, but then again, salvation’s temptation was always hard to ignore isn’t it? He took a step back and look down at me.

That was all I needed to know.

In my head, the thoughts that I hope to escape from came back to taunt me. What am I going to do now? Should I escape? Should I finally face and deal with whatever’s in front of me now? But above all the questions I have running in my head, his gaze was steady, like he was ready to face any trouble together with me. It was the sense of security that he emits that draws me to him. I reminiscence to the first time we met, the times of his companionship. he had always been there for me. I moved into his personal space and hugged him hard. He is real. This isn’t a dream. He is real. Maybe, just maybe I could finally let go of this guilt I have been holding on to for so long. Maybe, it’s about time. Time to leave these all behind and embrace my life. His arms around me were strong like they were trying to stick the broken pieces of me back together again. It was like he didn’t want to let go, but eventually he did. He held me by my waist and said,

Christine Glenn, will you be my girlfriend?

I weighed my choices, it was now or never.

Yes. I replied.

I didn’t want to dwell in anything any longer. Each moment I spent overthinking it will only destroy me further. Once the word left my mouth, it felts as though the weights on my shoulders have vanished. then, it was as if I could see Christian smiling at me then walking away. I mouthed the words as I tasted the tinge of salt on my lips. Bye, buff ass monster. It was still unbearable after all. I guess, it’s really time to step out of my comfort zone and start a new adventure with someone else. But the tears just won’t stop falling. Was it his presence that I will miss? Or will it be the missing of him that will ache the most? It was like a double-edged sword. Letting go of the past and finding something new, to put the past behind and to move on. Moving on was never easy but there is no point staying at the same place, holding on to the things that had already ceased to exist hurts even more.

Christ’s hand patted my head, repeating it’s alright to let go and some other stuff that I didn’t have enough focus to listen to.

‘Bye Christian.’ I said out loud this time, as I know it is the final goodbye. In my head, i pictured myself taking out the keys from my pocket, locking the door to the past. It’s time to start a new chapter of my life. It’s time to start all over again.

*
andddddddddd that's the last chapter of over again.
goodnight midnight bunnies(: