over again, step nineteen

over again
*
His eyes had this burning sensation when you stare right into them. It pictured a raging fire, where the flames turns anything it touches into ashes. Like how waves engulf things in storms, it swallows everything, transforming them as part of the sea. And I can’t decide which path lies ahead of me. Will I be one of those where I try too hard to run away from reality that I become nothing? Or would I be one of those people that sink, becoming those faceless people that roam the streets. Then the image changes, there were three paths here in front of me. One that leads me into the flames and the other into the ocean. Then there was the other that outshines the other two paths. It dictates the garden filled with light, there were butterflies and flowers. The sun shone brightly on the fields making the grass reflect a certain feel of serenity. Then there was a hand left hanging there. It was a man, a faceless man with ruffled hair. His hand was reaching out towards me. Just then, the ground trembled. It sent shivers down my spine. “what’s happening?” the three paths in front of me started moving like they were merging. The waters hovered over the fire; while the flames cowered then it rose higher than the waves. The field that shone brightly before had transformed into a battlefield. The hand that was once reaching out cringed and then it became smaller and smaller then disappeared. Just as the hand vanished, I fell, into the dark abyss.
I woke up bathed in sweat, it was noon. I put on the cardigan and walked stealthily to the living room. The blanket was folded with a sticky note above. It wrote
“thanks for having me over and sorry. -nathan”
I held on to the paper and stared at what was written. The message written was replaying in my head. I squeeze my eyes tight. It was the right thing. I convinced myself. I picked up my phone and called Felicia. She picked up on the third ring.
Hey stranger, how are you doing?
Hey yourself. How are you doing? It’s not like you to walk out on me like that. Do you mean what you said?
The scene started playing in my head. After telling her that I ended things with Christ is cause I love him I walked out on her. She is right. That isn’t how I usually do things, I rarely left her hanging.
Why not I meet you at your cafe?
Sounds good. i see you in an hour?
See yah.
With that she hung up. I grabbed my phone and wallet then headed out the door. The bus ride over to the café was short. It only took half an hour. Upon reaching, I did some admin stuff, asking how was the shop doing and there will be a new part timer joining us today. He will be doing the night shift. I brewed my own coffee and and sat at my usual spot at the corner. Staring out the window, I noticed there is a newly opened wedding shop opposite. At the front of the store there was a picture of a couple. Unlike most wedding shops, the photo of them were zoomed into their faces. It doesn’t show the dress or accessories. Just their faces. They were looking at each other, it was as though they are transmitting messages through their eyes. But then again, some pictures tell lies. They may not be a couple at all. Just two strangers attending a photo shoot. I averted my eyes to the street
where passer-by strolled. Each and everyone of them hold different expressions. Some look like they are late or stressed while some others just took their time and enjoyed their little getaway. Then I realized someone had sat down opposite me. I turn my head and saw Christ. Why was he even here?
Enjoying the view?
Why are you here?
That’s not a nice way to start a conversation.
No really, why are you here?
Liss called and said you were looking for me.
I wasn’t. I was supposed to meet her here.
Now that’s awkward.
I didn’t know what to reply, so I just let the silence hang between us. Seconds passed, and maybe minutes, the atmosphere between us had gotten too heavy for me to handle, so I stood up, and walked to the counter. But, before I could even move pass him, he grabbed my wrist.
Talk to me.
What is there to talk about?
How are you?
How am I? honestly? I feel mindfucked. I really thought I could move on from the past and be with you. Putting down everything in the past and finally move on. Then you told me about how you were involved with Christian’s accident. Just when everything was going fine, it just had to explode. Just when I fell for you I just had to know the truth. You know, I really thought we could be together. I thought I had the chance to finally get out of this black hole, but somehow, you just had to ruin it. Pulling me back to the past, you thought it would give me a closure? It didn’t. it just dragged me deeper into that black hole. And what’s worse is that you approached me just by following the plan. Have you ever considered my feelings?
My tears were filled to the brim of my eyes, just seconds from flowing out. It wasn’t anger that I felt but heartbroken and betrayed. I would rather not know the truth and moved on. But now, after the cat’s out of the bag, I can’t ignore the fact that I had betrayed Christian. My Christian.
You fell for me? He questioned
I wished I didn’t.
You fell for me. He repeated, this time saying it as a statement. I stared straight into his hazel eyes. It was like he needed to know, as though it is an important answer to him, like he needed confirmation.
Yes. I fell for you.
Then everything happened in a blur. He tugged my wrist and I tripped over the chair and landed on his laps. Then he released his hold on my wrist and cupped my face.
I love you too.
And his lips found mine.
*
that's all for now
goodnight midnight bunnies