Trust

I will never trust you enough to believe in you again.

You can always say it’s okay after a lie. It’s okay after a betrayal. It’s okay after a heart break. But how much can you take? How much can you take before you break down in the middle of saying it’s okay with a smile but people see the tears in your eyes crawling down your face? I am sorry but I can’t do that. I spend months and maybe years to get trust of the people around me, up till now I am still working on it. I won’t say it’s okay after a lie, cause I know how much trust it would betray. I won’t say it’s okay after a betrayal cause that only happens when I completely lose trust in you. The more I won’t say it’s okay after a heartbreak cause I can’t even trust myself anymore to trust anyone else. So how innocent and naïve do you want me to be? When you lied straight in my face, when I really believed in you until I found out the truth by coincidence? When I really doubted everyone else that tells me that it’s a lie but I chose to believe in that lie? Hoping it was the truth?

The whole time I was holding in that anger because I still want to talk things through.  

“Stop lying. I saw it”.

I wanted to say that. After sitting there with silence hanging in the air I gave up. I don’t even want to hear the truth from you again, because the chances of it coming out as a lie is probably higher than actually hearing the truth from you. Just don’t expect me to trust you again. Cause maybe you can forgive people that lie to you doesn’t mean I can. I actually spend time and effort to get those. The final question I have for you: have you ever thought why no one believes in you as much as before anymore? Think about it.

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Goodnight midnight bunnies