She knows

“I hate you”

As the words left her mouth, it ended with tinge of salt with bitterness. It was a thin line between love and hate no matter what. In front of her the man she used to know with all her soul stares back. He smirked. He knows that sentence doesn’t even come close to the truth. On the other hand it tore her apart to hear that phrase coming out from her not to anyone but him. He brushed it off with his deep husky laugh.

“You hate me? You could be more convincing. Let’s just not make it any more complicated than it is. I am letting you go. You are not good enough for me anymore.”

She then question him for the reasons, like how was she not good enough and what she have not done enough for him to feel this way. He complains and rants on and on about her imperfection as though he doesn’t have any. In love, the one whom loves more have the lower-hand. It made her the one on the losing end. He was talking all high and mighty. Saying how clingy it was of her that she would always ask for his schedules as though she was suspicious of him having an affair. Saying how insensitive she was for being persistent to meet him after a long day of work. Saying how emotional she was that every moment with her feels like an emotional roller coaster ride. Saying how insecure and paranoid she is that he got tired of assuring her about the promises they made. But little does he know, about the reasons why she acted that way.

On one of the nights when he told her he had to work overtime to finish up the work left undone, she dropped by his office. She saw a woman on his laps. Giving him kisses she thought only she could give. Touching him at places she thought only she had the rights to. She felt the presence of another woman entering their relationship she thought only belonged to both of them. Instead of confronting him, she left, no words said. At the doorstep of her house, she broke. Another night, she headed over to his place, with the intention to celebrate their anniversary, wanting to give him a little surprise. She opened the door to see a pair of beige stilettos. She heard sounds she thought should only be made by both of them. She inhaled the sweet aroma of another woman. She felt that the place that once belonged only to him and her invaded by someone else. That night, he told her, he was too tired to meet her and he would head home directly to rest. Again, she closed the door and left without a notice.

He was scolding her now; of the imperfections that he feels made himself a far worst person than he was before. Little did he know, he was the one that made her this way. She could feel her nose getting sensitive and her eyes getting wet. But she told herself, she will not cry, she will not let him see the weak side of her anymore. She opened her mouth, the words came out smoothly.

“Look me in the eye.” He didn’t want to but reluctantly he lifted his head and stared ahead. “A year from now, we will be standing opposite each other like this, in a whole new environment. I’ll be okay, and I know you won’t. At that time, I’ll be over you like you never existed in my life. I might not even remember your name. But know this, you walked out of my life, allowing me to pick up the broken pieces and allowed me to be a better person again. Know this, and let your guilt and regret eat you up. I know you are having an affair with another woman from your company. I’ve seen it twice and didn’t confront you because I feel that you would change. But you didn’t. A year from now, you would still be together with that woman, and you will have another affair and you will not be happy. Once you’re unsatisfied, you will look for another, and the story goes on. I will remember this day as one where I was freed not thrown away. Just know, you will lead yourself to your self-destruction one day and no one will be there to help you.”

She turned around and left him behind. She knows she would cry herself to sleep. She knows she will wake up thinking about him and cry again. She knows she will look like crap for the next few weeks and maybe months because she doesn’t have the mood to care about how she looks. She knows she will have to remove all the clothes that he left at her place and return them back to him. She knows that she will pick up every last piece of them and bring it to her face, missing the smell of him. She knows she will miss that little secret hideout that only belonged to them. She knows that she will still head there hoping that he would come along while she cried there alone. She knows that every doorbell or knock on the door would make her hallucinate that it was him. Most importantly, she knows, once a heart breaks she will go through hell before standing back up again.

All these, she knows, but it will make her stronger. It will make her a better person. She will still be able to love again somehow, someday. With that she closed the old door and opened a new one to another day.

*

That’s all for now.

Goodnight midnight bunnies:3