If Only

At first she was just being polite. Caused she missed his goodnight message. In return she just wishes him good morning. Even though he only replies her in the afternoon, it still made her smile. Cause of all the small talk they would have. She was grateful for all the little things that happened in his life that he told her. It was the only way she got to know him more. As time passes, she controlled herself from texting him. Although she likes him, she knows that a leopard will never change its spots. He is a playboy. Getting too close would only mean, she will be the one getting hurt. And she had been through enough to know how bad it hurts. It does give her the inspiration she needs for her novels, but she doesn’t want to go through it again. For her imagination is enough. She could really handle everything till that politeness become a habit. She started texting him whenever she’s free, random texts or just saying hi. Then, it became asking him to do things for her. He does it no matter how troublesome it was, no matter how tired he is, and no matter how much he complains he would still comply. Then she asked herself. How do I not fall in love with someone that is willing to do so much for me? It became harder and harder for her to control her feelings. The things that he told her, he didn’t tell anyone else. It was like a little secret shared between the both of them. When she was upset, he would console her and ask what’s wrong. Being there for her is something she couldn’t find in many others cause, they had different priorities and also it was different. Cause most of them are all living in a distance. She felt comfortable with all these, yet at that same time, she was greedy. Even though she knows she shouldn’t be. She knows she would only get hurt. But, what was she supposed to do? They were staying so close to each other. If only she didn’t felt so much for him.

If only he didn’t texted her first.

If only he didn’t care and flirt with the other girls.

If only he flirted with other girls in front of her.

If only he declined all the hugs she gave.

If only he told her in the face, she is just another fling.

If only he doesn’t look and treat her so similar to the way Aaron did.

If only he didn’t teased her so much.

So many if onlys. If only she didn’t know him at all.

*

So who is he to you?

It was like something caught up in her throat. It was a question that she didn’t know how to answer. He was amazing in so many different ways. The care he has and the sweetness he gives. A little more and she will be swept off her feet. Even looking at him do sports brought a smile to her face unknowingly. Just seeing him for a short while each day, no matter how shitty the day is, everything would feel better. Was he someone she likes? Or is he just a fling? From a single question, it shot up to a dozen. But all these questions don’t matter if she can’t answer the one that was thrown to her.

He is someone I like. Someone I am infatuated with.

Just at that moment, she felt a tap on the shoulder. She turned back and it was him. He was staring down at her with the most confused eyes she had ever seen. She looked back at her friends; all of them were looking at her as though they were telling her to “go for it.” On her part, she just felt that they were getting the wrong idea.

Just because I like him, it doesn’t mean that I have to confess to him.

Although that was the truth, their confused eyes stayed. Then she wondered what she had done wrong.

*

Hey there midnight bunnies

As you can see there's a new skin, all thanks to my babe. 

Also there is the ask away tab on the right, so if any of you bunnies have anything to ask just click away(:

Meantime, sleep tight:3