Admiration and Dreams

One look and she knows. He was the kind of guy she was looking for. Although they had only met for a couple of days, she knows that he is the kind. The way he does his stuff, the way he treats his friends. The way he motivates himself, the kind of unbreakable spirit he has just to prove them wrong. To tell them, you’re wrong, I am capable of doing things that you say I can’t. She fell immediately. She was willing to go lengths and depths for him. Not because she likes him or cause she is infatuated with him. It was because she admired him. He was able to do whatever he wants with determination and strength. The kind of strength she never possessed. He was able to portray his unhappiness bravely in front of people. Brave enough not to hide behind a fake smile. She admired him for being able to do stuff like that. She had admired him to a point where it could pull off as envy. But yes, she does envy him. He was younger and more cheerful. He has done and experienced things that she has never tried before. He was able to say whatever he wants and do them out loud in public. As though telling the world he exists. For her, she is just happy to be able to keep a close group of friends that she would do anything for. Comparing the both of them, she got quality while he has quantity. Yet, the both of them got along so well. She could stare at him doze off in the bus while his head swings left and right and then in a circular motion. She got cramps on her cheek from laughing at just that. Then he would wake up staring at his reflection wondering if there’s anything on his face through his front camera. Puzzled at why she was smiling that way. She lit up around him. They could even listen to each other rant for hours. In the end even if there isn’t a solution to the problem, she would still feel okay. It wasn’t commitment she was looking for, but companion, and he fits just right. Most importantly, she was comfortable around him, she could be herself. Both of them value their freedom and as of now, this was enough. It’s the best she could hope for. It’s all that she ever wanted, and wouldn’t expect any more.

*

His hand was small compared to the other guys I held hands with. Even though it was small, it was still bigger than mine. It was warm. When our fingers interlock, it fits perfectly. It wasn’t those kind where his hand is so much bigger that it forms a gap in between.it was those kinds where it fits just right. Slightly bigger but almost the same and it feels nice. Like the security that it emits isn’t overwhelming or nothing at all. It feels just right. Then he lets go. But why? I didn't know. We walked and talked about irrelevant stuff that we both wouldn't remember the next day. Then I felt it again. His hands were on mine. He was holding on to my hands. To me, it was the most I could wish for. I could picture his face, smiling, with those sparkling white teeth that he was always so proud of. Then the door opened, and I realized. I was late for work. And I didn't want to wake up because I dreamt about you. But they told me, the dreams that you dream of never come true.

*

That's all for now. Goodnight midnight bunnies:3