I didn’t do this for anyone, or to avoid anything
else. I just felt maybe it’s time to really listen to my friend’s advice and
choose a less stressful life. You’re definitely not at fault, like how you always
feel you aren’t. It’s just that sometimes your methods really do hurt the
people around you without you knowing. And at times, they wouldn’t be like me
and just swallow everything and pretend it is okay, to be reprimanded by you
again. Not everyone would be as nice as how I am. I won’t say that I am one of
those close friends that you ever have that treated you the best. Also, I won’t
say I have the greatest personality to be understanding. But know this,
throughout this 4 going 5 years, never once have I not put in my 100% when it
comes to helping you with your problems. I am just another kid that haven’t
even passed her 21st, whatever problems you face, I would be there
to help or listen, even if it’s 3am and I have work the next day. This is a
friendship that I really cherished even if those around me had told me
countless times to just give up. Right now, with the right state of mind, if
you’re reading this, this is how I feel. You’re still a friend to me, it’s just
that as of right now, I can’t treat you as the brother you once were because of
all the lies that I am hearing from you. You admitted that you hid things from
me, if you really care as much as you say, why not just tell me the truth? Maybe
if you did, we wouldn’t have to go through that conversation just now. All I ask
for is the truth is that too much to ask? I don’t even mind letting you win
every single conversation and be back to how we used to be. I just need the
truth from you even if I know it already. Is it really too much to ask? Stop making empty promises that you can't keep, in the near future or far ahead. Previously you promised not to disturb me twice about your things and only fulfilled it when everything died down. You don't have to promise me things you can't keep. Also i don't need your promises cause i trust you. I really do, even if i made a fool out of myself in front of people just because i trusted you, i still trust you. You said you wouldn't expect anything from me, but really, is there anymore things to expect from me when there's nothing left to say? When i said you are trying too hard, please do let me emphasize again. i don't mean you try hard for everyone. I am saying I see the effort you put in but sometimes, by forcing conversations that don't exist it will die out even faster and we will just end up not talking even more. When there is a topic there will be no matter how ridiculous it is. I am not insulting you for trying so hard, i just feel there's always something to talk about provided it's not based on a lie. That's all. You said you are also trying to treat me like a sister, but how many times have you asked others about the things that I have done or have not done? You don't even trust me that you have to ask others to be eased. It isn't fair to me, thinking how much i have been laughed at for trusting you, for standing up for you, for telling everyone you are a nice person. Just know i won't give up unless you give up on this.
*
Goodnight midnight bunnies
Sleep tight and hold on to those close to you.
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